Will The Sadness Ever Ease?

So here I am sitting at home relaxing when all of a sudden a massive wave of sadness has washed over me, so much so that it actually hurts to breath and I’m close to tears.

I miss my nanny so much. It’s nearly been 2 years but I miss her as much today as I did then. I miss her guidance, her listening skills, the way she made me feel wanted. The way she understood my family and their “issues”.

I miss her apple crumble! Her laugh, her smile but most of all her cuddles.

It’s no secret I’ve never had a great relationship with my mum, I’m not a tactile person and have difficulties expressing myself but with nanny I could always talk to her about how I felt. I could rant, I could slip a cheeky lil swear word in and not feel too bad, why? Because I knew she accepted me no matter what. She never lied to me, never glossed over the truth and was always direct.

Now she’s gone, I have no strong female role model in my life, I have no mother figure and I feel very lost.

I’m blessed that I had my nanny, some people never experience the love of a grandparent but it doesn’t help how I feel at the moment.

I am very lucky to still have my granddad, he is the best and I love him all the more since nanny left us, I don’t get to see him as much as I would like and I feel terrible about it. Whenever I do see him though I always make sure I get a cuddle in!

They are both my role models and everything I’ve ever done, or aspired towards has been to make them proud, I can honestly say that no other family member’s opinion has ever mattered to me but theirs.

The last 2 years have been so hard and I’ve had some really tough choices to make, without nanny they have been even harder and I hope she would approve.

Love you nanny. x

This is one of my favourite pictures from my wedding.

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