DUCKS

Yes, today I will be talking about ducks. Now, I’m in regular email contact with one of my friends  and today (as well as a lot of other things) we were discussing nicknames. I told him that my granddad calls me ducky, below is a transcript of our emails, shortened, but please enjoy. I hope you laugh as much as I did – you probably won’t, I am incredibly strange and have a very unique sense of humour!

Thank you Terje (aka Preett the court jester for the realm of Algary) for making the last hour of my work bearable!

ME: My granddad calls me ducky, because when you look at a duck on the water they look serene and calm, but under the water their little legs are working furiously

T: Must be your orange nose

ME: You’re just quackers … *ruffles hair* … no, don’t stare at me like that

T: Do you like duckling? In fact, I think often that’s how a novel should be – it looks effortless, as though it could not be any other way, yet behind it is lots of work and fiddling about and agonising…

ME: What did the detective duck say to her partner? … I hope we quack this case.

T: What happened to the hole in the road? …. The police are looking into it.

ME: Admit it … you’re impressed.

T: A feather in your cap – ok, yours was good, you could have a career writing Christmas … quackers.

ME: I’m so sick … of waking up at the quack of dawn.

T: Refining and editing – Detective Duck: I hope we quack this case. Detective Drake: Do you suspect fowl play?

ME: LMAO! What a team we make! I come up with the joke and you turn it into a … quacker!

T: As quack as lightening,  I always admire farmers, they don’t give a duck.

ME: The thing with farmers is, they have horses right? I once asked a farmer how you get down from a horse and he looked at me strangely and replied “you don’t get down from a horse, you get down from a duck.”

T: The intelligent one … Are you at work? Can I speak to Emma?

ME: Tough luck, Emma is part time and has gone home – you’re stuck with me.

T: Look out … duck charge for everything and present you with the bill.

ME: Duck jokes aside, I just imagined a really angry looking duck thrusting his face into the face of a perplexed looking man …
he looked like someone had ruffled his feathers …

T: Well, I tried training a mallard to carry sweets for me, but they kept dropping them. Werthers off a ducks back

ME: Brilliant! Genius! Are you impressed with my wit yet?

T: I hope you are alone – people must think you very odd, I’m still waiting for the wit to arrive.

ME: Quick, Quick … sorry, my duck has hiccups, it must have been filtered in cyberspace because it’s that awesome.

T: Detective Duck: I hope we quack this case. Detective Drake:  Do you suspect fowl play?  Detective Duck:  Eggsactly. Detective Drake: You’d better look up the DA.

ME: Why do ducks fly south for winter?  It’s too far to fly… Im flagging now … But genuinely laughing, simple things for simple minds!

T: You know what they call rich ducks? Ritz quackers.

ME: Thanks for ending my day with a laugh … I’m home now, how’s the migraine? Do you need a duck-ter?

T: No, they’re all … quacks.

ME: But … you’re suffering from some sort of mallardy.

T: I can’t afford the … bill.

ME: Ha ha ha, I’ll grab my coat … I’ve just seen the feather report.

T: Oh dear … waddle you say next.

ME: I’m laughing so much.

T:  You know … I didn’t used to like you, eiderdown on you. Stop.

ME: Is that because I don’t watch … duck-umentaries?

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