Yes, today I will be talking about ducks. Now, I’m in regular email contact with one of my friends and today (as well as a lot of other things) we were discussing nicknames. I told him that my granddad calls me ducky, below is a transcript of our emails, shortened, but please enjoy. I hope you laugh as much as I did – you probably won’t, I am incredibly strange and have a very unique sense of humour!
Thank you Terje (aka Preett the court jester for the realm of Algary) for making the last hour of my work bearable!
ME: My granddad calls me ducky, because when you look at a duck on the water they look serene and calm, but under the water their little legs are working furiously
T: Must be your orange nose
ME: You’re just quackers … *ruffles hair* … no, don’t stare at me like that
T: Do you like duckling? In fact, I think often that’s how a novel should be – it looks effortless, as though it could not be any other way, yet behind it is lots of work and fiddling about and agonising…
ME: What did the detective duck say to her partner? … I hope we quack this case.
T: What happened to the hole in the road? …. The police are looking into it.
ME: Admit it … you’re impressed.
T: A feather in your cap – ok, yours was good, you could have a career writing Christmas … quackers.
ME: I’m so sick … of waking up at the quack of dawn.
T: Refining and editing – Detective Duck: I hope we quack this case. Detective Drake: Do you suspect fowl play?
ME: LMAO! What a team we make! I come up with the joke and you turn it into a … quacker!
T: As quack as lightening, I always admire farmers, they don’t give a duck.
ME: The thing with farmers is, they have horses right? I once asked a farmer how you get down from a horse and he looked at me strangely and replied “you don’t get down from a horse, you get down from a duck.”
T: The intelligent one … Are you at work? Can I speak to Emma?
ME: Tough luck, Emma is part time and has gone home – you’re stuck with me.
T: Look out … duck charge for everything and present you with the bill.
ME: Duck jokes aside, I just imagined a really angry looking duck thrusting his face into the face of a perplexed looking man …
he looked like someone had ruffled his feathers …
T: Well, I tried training a mallard to carry sweets for me, but they kept dropping them. Werthers off a ducks back
ME: Brilliant! Genius! Are you impressed with my wit yet?
T: I hope you are alone – people must think you very odd, I’m still waiting for the wit to arrive.
ME: Quick, Quick … sorry, my duck has hiccups, it must have been filtered in cyberspace because it’s that awesome.
T: Detective Duck: I hope we quack this case. Detective Drake: Do you suspect fowl play? Detective Duck: Eggsactly. Detective Drake: You’d better look up the DA.
ME: Why do ducks fly south for winter? It’s too far to fly… Im flagging now … But genuinely laughing, simple things for simple minds!
T: You know what they call rich ducks? Ritz quackers.
ME: Thanks for ending my day with a laugh … I’m home now, how’s the migraine? Do you need a duck-ter?
T: No, they’re all … quacks.
ME: But … you’re suffering from some sort of mallardy.
T: I can’t afford the … bill.
ME: Ha ha ha, I’ll grab my coat … I’ve just seen the feather report.
T: Oh dear … waddle you say next.
ME: I’m laughing so much.
T: You know … I didn’t used to like you, eiderdown on you. Stop.
ME: Is that because I don’t watch … duck-umentaries?