Not long until Christmas, but frankly, I don’t care. I’ve had enough of 2013 and I’m actually on a countdown to 2014. I’m not that superstitious, but this year has been (on the whole) one disaster after the other.
Don’t get me wrong, there have been some wonderful highlights. Kristell Ink published some amazing books and signed new authors, and I had a fab holiday to Florida in October, but the loss of friendships, the stress of job uncertainty (for husband, not me), and the continual financial drain on us both is tiring.
Yes, I am a Scrooge. I don’t really like Christmas this year. I don’t like the way we gorge ourselves on food ‘because it’s Christmas’. I don’t like the way we spend a fortune on gifts ‘because it’s Christmas’. I don’t like the false joviality and the false cheer. For me, Christmas is a time of reflection. A time for me to be grateful for what I have and what I haven’t. It’s not about grandiose gestures of ‘love’ in the form of overpriced gifts. It’s about showing the people who care just how much they mean to you. I’ve bought just a handful of presents this year – one for each of my nearest and dearest.
BUT while I say Christmas is for showing those closest to you how much you care – it’s also a time for giving: time, money, love, forgiveness, whatever you can give, and so I ask you to consider http://www.do-it.org.uk/ and your local area. There are so many people alone this Christmas who would love a visit or a phone call… something to show that people care. I’m volunteering, and I’m doing so because I heard someone close to me say that all they had to look forward to was death. That person is lonely and tired, and that person means the world to me. I can’t alleviate his loneliness or pain, but maybe I can bring a bit of light to someone else? Who knows. I certainly won’t until I try. It is the season of good will.
2014 will be the year that we try (really try) for a baby. I’m 31 in February, and with our fertility issues, we don’t want to leave it any longer. I want a baby and I want nothing more than to be a good mum and have a happy, stable family life. Sometimes I think and feel that whatever divine entity up there that’s looking down on us has a vendetta against me, because I just don’t have any luck when it comes to health. I’m not asking for much… people have babies all over the place and some of them have them and don’t want them, or have them and don’t care for them. We’ve discussed and will consider adoption, and neither of us are adverse to the idea – but the hoops the prospective adoptive parents have to jump through are crazy…
I’m also fed up with being taken for a ride. I’m a prickly bugger. I get that. I annoy people left, right and centre and I am opinionated. I love to gossip, and I love to bitch and moan – but anyone who says they don’t do these things is lying. I think these are failings we all have. However, my biggest failure is my inability to say ‘no’ or voice my disapproval. I think this must harp back to my eagerness to please people all the time, but today I found myself in a pickle and the only way out of it was to agree to something I didn’t and don’t want to do. But guess what… too late now! So instead of saying anything, I sat and steamed. And became pissed off. Majorly pissed off to the point where I couldn’t talk to anyone. My annoyance was a combination of being put in that position and putting myself in that position… yeah, weird, I know. So, why share this? Because I need to learn to say ‘NO’ and not feel bad about saying no.
2014 is going to be the new ‘Sammy’ year. I shall be a calmer, more relaxed, more organised and even more driven Sammy.
I shall list my objectives shortly, and share with you just how much of my 2013 list I ‘ticked off’.