So far, 2014 hasn’t been that great. The awful slime that was 2013 has had its tendrils clamped firmly in the ground of this year, and I’m doing my best to cut them away before they take root.
4 years ago my sister moved in (under less than pleasant circumstances) and last week, my other sister joined us. It seems that when we (female siblings) reach a certain age and a certain understanding…we find ourselves both suffocated and irritated with our mother. It’s a sad state of affairs and one that I can’t see ever changing – and to be honest, it’s too complicated to post, but there are people out there who understand and know the story. It’s not fair of me to lay all the blame at my mother’s doorstep though – my father could have and still should be doing more to support her in bringing up my siblings. Instead, he’s quick to bury his head and acquiesce when lies and garbage are spouted as gospel. In a way, this sort of behaviour is worse as it enables people to develop a self of unwarranted worth and ego.
Don’t get me wrong, I am by no means perfect, but I will never ever turn my back on a sibling when they ask for help. If I get burned or if I get used, so be it. I won’t lie to curry favour or make my life easier.
And so I’ve found myself on edge again. I’m antsy, irritable and I’m poised ready for attack. I don’t know why exactly, but I’m not quite myself. I can’t concentrate on my studying and I find it impossible to write or work on Kristell Ink. I can only take solace in re-reading a series** of books that I started in 2005 and lost interest in 2010… I think it’s my way of detaching from my emotions at the moment and I know I’ll have to face up to them soon, but I don’t want to. I quite like living in this protective bubble where no-one can get to me and where I don’t have to face reality.
But this blog post isn’t about me. It’s about someone with a beautiful heart, and that someone is TWN (I’m using her initials because I don’t know how she’ll feel about being identified). I doubt she’ll even read this blog post, but I want the world to know how lovely she is.
When my sister came to live with me, TWN asked her name and when I went back into work there was an 18th birthday present sitting on my desk for her. This was a lovely, lovely present that left me a little tearful with gratitude. You see, my sister won’t get much for her birthday and she’s moved an hour away from her friends to be here with me. We don’t have much to give, and 18th birthdays are supposed to be special, aren’t they? I know some will say that it’s not the material presents that count, but when you’re young…gifts matter, be they token or extravagant. For someone, a stranger for all intents and purposes, to buy her such a gift shows the kindness of their heart. TWN does this often – advent calendars for the office, christmas gifts, birthday presents, newborn baby gifts, all sorts, but it’s not just the material – she gives time, advice, support and care. She does it because she genuinely loves giving and helping. There’s no fuss made and instead she just smiles and says ‘I like making people happy’.
And she does. She doesn’t quite know how touched I am and how thrilled I know my sister will be with the gift.
Thank you, TWN. Thank you for kicking me in the face (metaphorically) and reminding me during all this family crap, there are decent and lovely people out there who do things for others with no ulterior motive. Please don’t ever change, you have no idea how much your actions help others – small or big.
** The Black Dagger Brotherhood by J.R Ward