I Really Don’t Care…

Ok, that title is a bit clickbaity, sorry.

Since we got those two blue lines on the pregnancy test, I always pictured myself with a little girl. I wanted to take her her places, read her books, show her the world and encourage her in every single way and make sure she had the confidence to reach for anything and everything she wanted. I had the vision of mother/daughter trips out and when she was older, coffee and shopping and all those other things I never got to do with my own mum.

Two days ago that changed.

Now, I’m not saying I don’t want a little girl, but that burning desire has faded away and is replaced by nothing but pure love. I no longer care if our baby is a girl or a boy. I just want them here healthy and happy so that I can smother them with kisses and love. I googled ’19 week old foetus’ to see how well developed Baby Smith is, and I came across the most beautiful and yet heartbreaking article, complete with pictures. It sunk in just how developed baby is, with tiny feet, fingerprints and eyelashes all formed and almost immediately, I wanted nothing more than to speed time along and hold our baby. I won’t link the article as it is upsetting, but it’s pretty clear from the search results if you wanted to find it.

It’s not long until our 20 week anomaly scan, and as long as baby doesn’t cross their legs, we’ll find out the sex. We contemplated (for a nanosecond) keeping it a surprise, but we’re both too excited not to know. The surprise for us was the IVF working, not the sex, and we want to start referring to baby as ‘he’ or ‘she’ not just baby or ‘their’.

Still, regardless of sex, baby is a little sod already…I’m getting kicked/punched in the right ovary quite often and it’s not the nicest feeling in the world… -_-

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