Ok, so I’m a week late posting, sorry. Last Monday we had our 20 week scan which is known as an anomaly scan. The sonographer checks for defects and problems with organs and ensures the placenta and cord are formed correctly and in the right place.
While it’s exciting to see Baby again, it’s also a nerve-wrecking experience. We were so, so grateful to be told things are perfect and Baby put on a little show for us by playing air drums and making what I affectively call their ‘fishy’ face – mouth opening and closing while wiggling and kicking around. So special and both John and I got gooey and goofy-grinned.
I always promised I wouldn’t turn into one of those gooey, pink and fluffy people when it came to being a parent, but I guess hormones have taken over! I’m completely besotted with our Baby and can’t wait for August to come around. I get all glassy-eyed thinking about them and the future, and need to give myself a wake-up slap at times! We still feel ridiculously lucky to have been successful with the IVF and we take nothing for granted, though. On a forum I frequent I regularly see posts from women who are on their 6th, 7th, 8th cycles of IVF; I rub my tum and say a big thank you to whatever deity/karma/science is responsible for our good fortune.
As I write this, our little boy is currently kicking the crap out of my tum. Yup, Baby Smith is a boy! We’re going to have a son! I’ll let you in on a secret…we had a private gender scan a few days before our 20 week scan and the moment I saw his little face in 3D, I fell utterly in love with him. More than I thought possible. He is gorgeous and we’ve waited so very long for this moment. After months and months of failed monthly cycles and no answers, months of health problems and delays and hundreds of injections and drugs, we’re over 1/2 way there and I’m starting to allow myself to let go of the anxiety and embrace the happiness.
To me, our baby is not a ‘chemical baby’. He’s not a ‘sin against God’. He’s not ‘soulless’, and he absolutely is not ‘wrong’ and ‘against nature’. He has been created with careful, helping and compassionate hands, lots of love (and heartache), and he is wanted so very, very much.