Part 1 – more posts to come and not in chronological order. Too much to talk about and besides, it’s more fun this way!!!!
Where has the time gone? I realised last week that I hadn’t updated my blog for 4 months. 4 months! A lot has happened during that time. The most important thing is… I’m a mummy! So let’s start with the best blog post 😀
On the 6th August 2015 at 11.15am, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy: Logan Alexander Frank Smith. He weighed 8lb 7.5oz and is just perfect.
My birth plan that consisted of water, gas and air, went completely out of the window…let me explain…
During the 5th August, I started getting really uncomfortable cervix pains (sorry if TMI!) and when I picked John up from work, I complained the whole drive home. It felt like someone was stabbing me with a hot needle up my vajajay. Later that evening my ‘show’ (mucus plug) came away and John started to get excited. ‘This is it,’ he said. ‘Logan is coming’. I repeatedly told him to calm down and brushed off his comments. After all, it was 4 days before his due date and first babies are usually late…
That evening I started to get really bad period type pains. They would come on in waves and I took 3 baths to alleviate the ache. John suggested he time the pain and low and behold, they peaked every 3-4 minutes. Contractions. The pain I felt was actually contractions, who knew? I hadn’t given birth before so had no idea!
Around 2am we went to hospital. I was in agony and so kept moving and standing around the assessment room whilst the midwife went through my notes. I stood by the sink and gripped the porcelain while growling (I wasn’t speaking). It felt like my lower uterus and cervix was being twisted by a fist and pulled apart. Every time the midwife came in and placed the monitoring bands around my tummy, I removed them. Logan hated it and wiggled and that paired with the pain was just…awful.
When the midwife returned properly, the first thing I did was ask for drugs. Birth plan gone out of the window. It was horrible. Before I was allowed any pain relief though, I had to be examined and my heart dropped. As a result of my operation and medical conditions, I knew this was going to hurt. Luckily, I had a letter from a consultant at the JR basically stating that I was to be given whatever relief I wanted and that childbirth was going to be a lot more painful for me than most. Yes, seriously, this isn’t an excuse, promise!
Soooo…the midwife examines me and informs me that I’m only 2cm dilated. Just 2cm. I was pretty embarrassed and upset. I was in agony and only 1/5 of the way there. ‘Active labour’ doesn’t start until 4cm so technically the hospital should have sent me home but instead I was admitted and given a shot of diamorphine. I was so relieved and thankful for that letter!
The contractions continued and the diamorphine lasted about an hour, but during that time I got to grips with the gas and air and things became a lot more manageable, though I was sick several times. My ‘hind’ waters then broke and once I hit 5cm, I was given an epidural.
The epidural took 4 attempts, and I had to sit deadly still – which is ridiculously hard when you’re contracting! However, I had the best midwife ever. Her name is Diane Fagan and she is an angel! She calmed me down and ensured I didn’t freak out.
Let me tell you know, an epidural is the BEST THING EVER. Within 40 minutes I was back to myself and the pain was gone. I could smile and actually maintain a conversation! The contractions felt like pressure and nothing more. For an hour, I was relaxed and happy. But…
Logan’s heartbeat started to go from 96 beats a minute to 190. The midwife wasn’t happy and so she decided to pop my main waters to put a clip on his head. John told me she produced this hook/knitting needle thing and popped the water. Logan had done a huge meconium poo and my waters were dark brown and green. Apparently this is a sign that he was in distress. They attached the clip but his stats didn’t improve, and so the Consultant then decided to check his blood oxygen level. To do this he inserted a tube into my vagina and asked John if he wanted to see Logan’s hair. John took a look and told me that, yup, our baby had a good head of hair (that heartburn had been worth it!). The doc then sprayed Logan’s head with anaesthetic and took two samples of blood. The results came back very quickly (within 2 minutes) and immediately they decided that we needed to go for a C-Section. ‘You’ll be a mum within the hour’, said the Consultant, and John was whipped away for scrubs.
My epidural was increased and from the ribs down everything felt like sponge. Very weird. As I was wheeled into the theatre, I started to shake. I’m sure it was the drugs but I couldn’t stop. The staff noticed and were so, so kind and wonderful. John came in and whispered, ‘These scrubs are so tight I’m worried I’ll split them if I sit down.’ – always makes me smile, that man.
C-Sections are weird. You can feel everything – the cut, the fumbling and rummaging around inside, but there’s no pain. At one point there was so much tugging I thought I was going to be dragged off the table! One of the nurses asked John if he wanted to look, and so he peeked over the curtain and exclaimed ‘He’s so big!’. It felt a lifetime, but eventually we heard his cries and I cried. I can’t put into words how I felt at that moment. My baby was here. The little boy I’d been nurturing and talking to for months had arrived.
He was wrapped up and handed to John and I kissed his squidgy face and had a small cuddle. I wasn’t able to hold him properly or for long, and we spent over an hour in theatre as I lost 2 litres of blood and it took a while to stem it all. When we were moved into recovery, I had another haemorrhage and lost a further 500ml. John dressed Logan and I got a proper cuddle and managed to give him his first breastfeed. Perfect.
We noticed that he was shaking and the midwife first thought that he had ‘morro’ and explained it was normal, but after a few hours, he continued to shake and after a heel prick test for blood sugars, they found his were low. On their advice, I gave him a bottle of formula and an hour later they checked the blood sugars again. They were lower at 1.3 and so he was taken off to special care and hooked up to a glucose drip and some antibiotics.
I went to the main ward where for the next 3 days and nights, I remained babyless. After the first 24 hours I was able to move off the bed and so with my drain and catheter in situ, John wheeled me down the hospital to Logan and I got to have lots of cuddles and kisses. It’s absolutely heartbreaking being away from your baby after giving birth. The hormones are going crazy and your natural instinct is to feed and nurture your baby. Not to have him with you is torture.
When he did get to come back to me, it was amazing. I spent the night cuddling him and bonding. I hadn’t been able to breastfeed or express properly and due to a shortage of donor breast milk, he had been on formula bottles.
After 5 days we came home (and just went to hospital daily for Logan to have his antibiotics in his cannula) and we started to breastfeed and bottle feed. I slowly reduced formula and increased breast. He took to it like a duck to water. So proud of my little man. It was simply wonderful having John home with us. He’s been off for the first month and during that time we’ve experienced everything together as a family – the explosive projectile poop, Logan peeing on his own face, the facial expressions, the baby noises, the works. Priceless memories.
So the birth wasn’t straightforward and he was a poorly boy. I’ve held back some of the other stuff, but this is our story and journey towards parenthood. ❤
I can’t quite believe we’re at this stage. After the last few hard years and misery, to have Logan is a dream come true. I find myself kissing him and just breathing in his baby smell so much. I love everything about him. His floofy hair, his little nose, his chubby hands and tummy. I’m sad that in 5 months I’ll be back at work, but I’m going to cherish every moment I have with him.
Here’s a few pics none of you would have seen on Facebook.
Next few posts will mention…
My seizure, 3 day stint in hospital and ongoing investigations for epilepsy
Finishing work and the freedom it brings
Review on several baby products
My decision to postpone my degree for the next 2 years
Grimbold and Kristell Ink musings
Several book and film reviews
I don’t really like people all that much