Been A While: Addendum

Interestingly, the response has been overly lovely and understanding of yesterday’s blog post. My message of ‘try to understand behaviours, try to look beyond what you consider ‘the way people with depression behave, try to understand that by you showing a huge amount of affection on one person and not the other will drastically affect the negative party’ was accepted.  Only two people have aired their negative opinions and seem to have missed the entire point of the post and asked if this was my malicious side coming out and accused me of being ungrateful and attacking. My brother (who knows all involved) commented that it was an impartial reflection on mental health. He got it.  So I shall be a little blunter.

No, this is not a post about me and my experiences. That much is pretty clear. Messaging me and calling the other person malicious, full of hatred and so on just cements exactly what I was trying to say: people don’t understand mental health and how it effects and manifests itself. If you do not know someone, are not their friend, do not speak to them, visit them, show concern for them or reach out in any way, how can you cast aspersions on their personality? You cannot. It is natural for us to moan to one another, to have a bitch and complain about how someone behaves. I do it. You do it. But there’s a difference between a private conversation and allowing it to spill into a public forum. Please stop and think about what you say and what you have control over going on a public space. I don’t think it’s a lot to ask.

I clearly put in the post, it does NOT matter whether what I put was true (though it is), but it doesn’t matter because it is the perception, the thoughts and feelings, of the other person. Mental illness can distort memories and twist things to suit. That doesn’t make the person necessarily a nasty person or someone who over-exaggerates, it is how they perceived the situation and what they remember. It is a very common side effect of abuse and as someone who works with abuse victims every single day, I get it and want to try and help others understand it.

That’s all I’ll say on the matter. You guys ‘got it’. I’m not going to flog a dead horse. A hedgehog is soft and sweet inside, you have to take the time to get to know it and not get angry if it pricks you every now and then.

I got a message from a sibling, who said: ‘…bad things happened to all of us, some worse than others, surely that should be a reason to stick together rather than argue..’ – you are 100% right. That is the entire blooming point.

Alas, I got a bit of an earful about how I supposedly try to buy affection (by sending Christmas and birthday pressies) and haven’t seen my nephew since before Christmas and how I haven’t seen my new niece. I’ll just say this – My niece was born in January (I didn’t travel anywhere as it was my SMP month and we lived on the credit card that we paid off this month), at the start of Feb I returned to work full time with just weekends off. John contracted whooping cough, which can be DEADLY for newborns and young babies. I repeat, DEADLY. There was no way on earth I was going to visit a newborn baby and potentially put them at risk. My brother (baby’s father) understands.

I also have a mass behind my eye that I’m waiting for an MRI on. I get cluster headaches and blurred vision. I am currently not allowed to drive police cars and can only drive short distances. My nephew lives 45-50 minutes away and so visits take place when John is able to drive me which is after work or weekends that I’m off (1 in 3). To be accused of buying affection is grossly offensive and shows a lack of understanding, especially when the person who believes I’m selfish and buying affection knows about my condition. Anyone who knows me, knows that this is not the case.

To be blunt, I’m done with this now. The original post was self-explanatory and understood by many. I’ve spoken to the angry parties and left the ball in their court. I refer back to the original post about trying to understand issues from other people’s perspectives and not be judgemental. I took away from my conversations that things can be viewed as a personal attack even though they are not and clearly were not meant to be. I have learnt from this experience and apologise if anyone misconstrued or misinterpreted what I was saying.