So yet again I’ve abandoned my blog for months. I’ve not really had the time to sit here and write, and the times when I have had a free thirty minutes or so, I’ve ended up doing housework or DIY or Grimbold admin.
It’s been thoroughly exhausting if I’m honest. I’m someone who thrives on being busy and enjoy working hard on a project (or projects!), but Logan is a baby who likes to sleep a maximum of 3 or so hours in a row. Oh how I cringe at smug Sammy who crowed about how he would sleep for 4 hours at a time when newborn. Those were the days… Since he was 8 weeks old I’ve had terrible sleep. He’s such a light sleeper and hates to drop off. We’ve recently invested in a blackout blind and a slight change of bedtime routine. It *seems* to be working and he’s sleeping for longer, but I don’t want to jinx it! I guess he’ll learn to settle when he’s ready.
I think the lack of sleep has played havoc with my health and immune system. I’ve caught colds and coughs galore from my petri dish of a child (who in turn catches everything from nursery) and, sorry if TMI, but I have verrucas! I mean, what??? I had verrucas a few years back but they are back again! Eurgh!
I’m also suffering with my autoimmune conditions at the moment; my thyroid is all over the place, my skin conditions are flaring up, my VVS is back and I’m re-referred to the specialist and my joints are swollen in my fingers. I am falling apart!
I had my MRI (finally!) in May and my brain is fine but there was still this mass behind my right eye. It’s grown since my CT scan last year and this week I saw the eye surgeon. It is a cavernous hemangioma (benign tumour) that is pressing on my optic nerve and will be monitored with scans. When it gets too big they’ll operate and remove it. I’ve had a lot of people express shock and concern, and I’ve found it a bit bemusing. I think it’s because I’m so used to having things wrong with me I just don’t get phased any more. If I was to sit down and think about it, I probably would get a bit down, and potentially genuinely depressed, but I don’t want to think about it for that very reason! I’m here, I’m walking, talking and able to go about my daily routine and life without any real restrictions. Regardless of what’s going on with my immune system and Ted (the tedious tumour), I’d say that’s pretty damn good going.
I say this all because the news this week has been shockingly dreadful. 49 innocent lives lost in Orlando in one of the worst hate crimes ever. I just…I can’t eloquently put in to words how it makes me feel. I have many LGBTQA friends and like so many of my CIS friends, I support the LGBTQA community with every ounce of my being. It is painful to think and read about without genuine upset. No one should be persecuted because of who they love. It makes no sense. At all.
Today, an MP was brutally murdered. The full facts aren’t yet known, but what is known is that she was shot in the head, stabbed and then kicked when bleeding to death on the ground. She was known to be compassionate, loving and kind. Another senseless death that makes no sense. At all.
Cancer took a good friend’s father today. I have nothing to say other than fuck you, Cancer. Fuck you. I may be a writer, but I have no eloquence for you. We will beat you one day. I have no doubt of that.