A Fleeting Visit


I should apologise again. I’ve not written anything for a couple of weeks. Blog, book, short stories or otherwise …

Can I blame it on the lovely weather?


Ok, I’m just useless.


Since I last posted I’ve been poorly, shattered, bogged down with work, hot, bothered, uninspired and then suddenly inspired and excited again. Probably in that order as well.

I’ve finished a 60pt module with the OU – AA100 is officially finished. I find out my results in August – but I’m pretty confident I’ve passed. I only need 40% overall, and I’ve been averaging 80% on the TMAs – so unless I’ve completely dropped the ball on the EMA; it’s in the bag.

Looking ahead: I start Ancient Greek in October A275 – a very in-depth and difficult module. Bearing that in mind, I’ve submitted a flexible working request in to the boss. I want every Monday off work to study, and I’ve increased my remaining working days to 4 x 10hr shifts so that I don’t drop any hours or lose money. Fingers crossed they (the faceless automatons in HR)  accept it …

It would help being in the office a little less as well. I’ve felt very undervalued and despondent recently. It’s a long story, and nothing to do with the people I work with … more to do with the management and new supervision. I’m finding it difficult to explain, but it’s similar to water torture. Drip. Drip. Drip … bit by bit, little digs, little comments, little changes. And on their own it’s nothing and seems pretty ridiculous – put it together and BAM!!! Drowning. This has then fed on to my writing.

I’ve hit a bit of a downer with it. The usual “what’s the point?” “I’m rubbish” “This is garbage” and so on has flooded me and I’ve struggled to write even 1000 words. I’ve got a few projects on the go – but nothing is inspiring me at the moment.

Yes, I sound like I’m whining, and I suppose I am. But I’ve just hit that point again where it doesn’t matter what anyone says, unless I feel the confidence myself, I’ll just wallow. Like a hippo.

But, I am slowly creeping out of my warm muddy water bath; and a good email chat tonight with another writer about possible collaborations and ideas has left me feeling all warm and mushy again. The little voice of optimism whispered to me: “if this talented writer is talking of collaborating, you can’t be that bad.”





*Blink* … 3 months have gone! Marty! Doc! Help!

Wow, just … wow. I’ve had such a busy 3 months – or, to put it another way – a busy quarter of a year. I’m sitting here, on a rainy Friday afternoon just trying to put into words exactly what I’ve done over the last few months. I’ve found myself staring at the window more than I’ve stared at the computer screen. I can’t actually recall any one singular thing that has been exceptionally “worthwhile” or “awe-inspiring.”

Is that a bad thing? That in over 90 days I have failed to achieve anything of note?

I don’t know, but I’m going to list everything I have achieved / have done (that I can remember off the top of my head)


* Completed 60 credits towards my OU course. 9 months work in 5 months. AA100 completed with average TMA score of 79 (EMA score outstanding). Currently working on A151.

* Completed the first full edit of Anna – my literary/speculative fiction piece on the loss of identity in one’s self and society, the self-determination theory and the 5Fs displayed in psychology when one is abused. (Saying “one” makes me feel intelligent)

* Signed up for anthology pieces with “The Girl’s Guide to Surviving the Apocalypse.” – More to come in the near future, but it will involve published pieces in the form of a “paper” book. (http://apocalypsegirlsguide.blogspot.co.uk/)

* Signed up for and written a 10k short anthology piece for Pankheart – it’s hot, it’s erotica, it’s noir and sexy as hell.

* Signed up for an anthology piece with BadNews Press (need to find out more, this is fresh-off-the-press news! Email received this afternoon!)

* Finished full editing of Chaeli (now called “In Search of Gods and Heroes” ) and submitted to a few agents and indie presses – so far I’ve had a publishing contract and full manuscript request. I turned down the contract, I had my reasons.

* Started and working on “Twisted” and “The Silver Nightingale” – more details another time.

* Have removed myself from Authonomy. Yes, the site I initially enjoyed became a playground for trolls, ego-strokers and backslapping. I lost all enthusiasm for the site. I saw bullying, cheating, racism and just general nasty behaviour. While it’s easy to “ignore” I had to ask myself: “is it right to ignore? Because to me, those that ignore and acquiesce are as bad as those that take part.” So I commented, I got “attacked” and a host of abuse. For a supposed writing site, it’s run and occupied by children. Rant over.

* Met my friend Terje twice – it’s a big deal, he’s edited my work and helped me improve as a writer 100 fold. I’m privileged to call him a friend really, since we started speaking in October he’s really helped me get my shit together, writing, thoughts, messed-up stuff, the works.

* Lost 21lb in weight, regained 6lb – another 28lb to go. My target is August. Let’s see if I get there!

* Read a total of 73 books. This includes novellas, but excludes flash pieces and anything under 20k. My favourites include 2 self-published books. Spirit’s Destiny by Ken Dawson (http://kennydreadful.com/) and The Last Mask by Stephen Winterflood (http://stephenwinterflood.blogspot.co.uk/). I intend to dedicate a blog post to each of these writers in the very near future. So watch out!
A few others I loved, Beatrice by Anonymous, The  Great Gatsby, Anna Karenina, Tess of the d’Urbervilles, The Hunger Games trilogy, The “50 shades” trilogy, The White Devil, Letters to a Young Poet and loads more. I’m mentioning a few to give you an idea … the idea being I love all books, all genres, all styles, old, new, I don’t care. I also (believe it or not!) don’t really put much emphasis on punctuation or grammar. I adore the story of books. If it’s badly written – it will take me longer to get into the flow of it, but as long as I care for the characters – then I’m in heaven. A few of these have been on my list for months, so I’m pleased to have ticked them off!

Being a recognised speed reader has both advantages and disadvantages however! I’m running out of books and needing some recommendations – I have Jeremy Rodden’s Toonopolis books to read asap, I’ve heard excellent things and I’m looking forward to finally starting. Just to be fair – here’s his website: http://portmanteaupress.com/

* I had the privilege of reading Amaranth by Zoe Harris as a beta reader. Man, this girl can write. It’s exceptional, I actually told my friend (and editor) that I’m jealous of her talent. It’s a beautiful young adult book about a girl who commits suicide but she doesn’t “move on” and instead walks the earth alone until she meets three others like her. I don’t want to write any more as I haven’t got permission from Zoe to talk about it – but needless to say, I loved it. It’s just enchanting and captivates you from the first paragraph. Publishers – please take note: Miss Harris deserves a publishing contract, more so than most.

* It’s only fair I add a little dedicated asterix for my other friend Hazel Butler and her book Chazing Azrael. It’s odd, while I’ve come away from Authonomy I don’t have *all* bad things to say. I’ve met some amazingly talented people on there, some I’m honoured to call friend, others are acquaintances, but those that I admire and want to support – I’ve stayed in contact with. Chazing Azrael is a book which firmly drags gothic literature back to the 21st century. A clear lover of Poe, Hazel has drawn on a variety of her personal loves and battles to write a book that is so bitter-sweet and well crafted that I read it non-stop and cover to cover. I’ll write more on Chazing Azrael when I have permission: but, it’s going out on submission and I want a signed copy.

* Last one in the plugging section: Steve Guscott and The Book of Prophecy: this is available to read on Authonomy, but Steve sent me the full MS to critique for him. I like intelligent books, stories that make you think and have a strong moral centre. This book is aimed at young adult’s but deals with the issues of choice, family, love, sacrifice and loss – all set in a fantasy world. What’s not to love?

* Had my book cover design created by a talented artist called Raymond Tan (http://r-tan.deviantart.com/)- it’s amazing, but I’m keeping it secret at the moment.

* Went on a mid week holiday to Bude for my birthday which inspired me to work harder on Anna. Took lots of photos, switched off and recharged the batteries.

* Had my foot tattoo! Yes, yes yes, how could I forget?!! It’s my homage to Jacqueline Carey “Love as thou wilt” across the top of my foot and two butterflies – pic below! I say homage to Jacqueline Carey, but also, a little “shout out” to Thelema. A religion that I have grown to appreciate. Now, I don’t believe in the “magic” spouted by Aleister Crowley, but there are little gems in the Book of Thelema that are just … well, I’ll let you decide:-  …”The joy of life consists in the exercise of one’s energies, continual growth, constant change, the enjoyment of every new experience. To stop means simply to die. The eternal mistake of mankind is to set up an attainable ideal.” … 

* Have discovered a love for philosophy. I personally don’t think I’m very good at arguing on points – but some others beg to differ. So now, I’m reading the Presocratic Philosophers at work in my “downtime” – preparation for A275 “Learning Ancient Greek” which starts in October.

* On the above note, changed my OU degree from English Language to Humanties with a specialism in Classical Studies.

* Changed my spare bedroom from “Hannah’s room” (sorry Hannah!) to my office. I have more lovely bookcases full of books, a desk, a display cabinet and shelves … all in a lovely sunny space. Perfect for reading, relaxing and studying!

* A 5 year medical problem has been diagnosed and medication issued. I am relieved, nervous, scared and excited!

* Archery. Yup, archery. More to come later.


 Now, I don’t doubt there is soooo much more that I’ve done, but this is all that comes to mind. While I’ve written this, the rain has stopped and the sun is now shining. It’s a gorgeous evening.

There are things I know I haven’t done. They involve:-

* Making an effort with friends: I think I wrote a blog post this time last year pouring out my awkwardness and lack of communication skills with people. Nothing has changed, I’m still a nervous wreck with self-confidence issues!

* Win the lottery. Yup, I know, moving on …

Stop biting my nails.


My mission is now to update this blooming thing more often. Tomorrow and Sunday I will post a blog each day – a long overdue review for both Mr Dawson and Mr Winterflood.